AN ALTERNATIVE HISTORY OF BLUE JEANS

February 26, 2026

by Rusty W. Mitchum

I was in the kitchen openin’ up a can of sardines and I got some sardine juice on my hand and I wiped it on my blue jeans just as Janet walked in.

“Did you just wipe your hand off on your pants?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “I wiped my hand off on my blue jeans.” She gave me “the look” and sighed.

“Why did you wipe your hand on your jeans?” she said through gritted teeth.

“Where else was I gonna wipe ‘em; and besides, that’s what blue jeans are made for.”

“No they’re not.”

“Yes they are. You see, the wife of the feller who invented blue jeans kept naggin’ him about him wipin’ his dirty hands on his britches, so he goes out to his barn and lights up a cigar and starts thinkin’ about how he could get his wife off of his back. You know, killin’ ‘em was illegal back then, too.” Janet’s eyes narrowed. “So anywho,” I continued, “he looks over at a pile of junk in his barn and sees this here big blue canvas tarp. Well, he says to himself, ‘Self, that right there would make a mighty fine pair of hand wipin’ britches.’ Well, he grabs the blue tarp and commences to start cuttin’. Then he grabs his staple gun and staples all of the pieces together on account of he didn’t know how to sew. ‘Fore long he had himself the very first pair of blue jeans. Of course back then he just called ‘em blue britches, but then he got the idea of namin’ ‘em after his wife, Frankie, since she was the inspiration for the britches. He thought that maybe by namin’ em after her, she’d finally get off of his case.” Janet’s lips narrowed, but I continued.

“So, for the first year or so, he called ‘em Blue Frankies, but sales were dismal. Plus everybody was complainin’ about the staples stickin’ out an pokin’ ‘em, especially the ones in the crotch area. So, he takes another look at his design and then he hires him a pretty little lady that was pretty good a sewin’ and he lets her have a go at the britches. Well, he had finally hit the nail on the head. The britches were a success.

“To show his gratitude to the little sewin’ gal, Jean, he named the new britches after her, since his wife had never gotten off of his case anyhow. And, as Paul Harvey used to say, now you know the rest of the story.”

Janet stood there starin’, not sayin’ a word. I smiled. Lookin’ back, smilin’ was probably not the smartest thing to do.

So, here I am, in the barn, cigar in hand…….sigh.